Tales on Ice: March 2010

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Book Proposal: Spies, SciFi and Boobs a historical cross genre experiment

I've always loved spy stories and military tales, epsionage, smart thrillers and historical fiction with a twinge of romance...the manly kind (but ,referencing James Scott Bells post at The Kill Zone the other day, not porn. I hate reading porn scenes in books. I get all red faced and no one around me knows why). I also like the occasional well written literary novel that crosses into different territory.

Ireland by Frank Delaney is a good example I think of crossing history/legend with modern literature.

On the other hand, in the spirit of doing something different, I propose to create a new espionage thriller series that crosses into the realm of veterinary science and scifi and middle eastern historical fantasy fiction.

Its about a strikingly handsome Israeli Mossad agent named Basir Sandesman who falls in love with a former Hooters girl turned American CIA operative named Mia Moray whose partner is what appears to be a talking ferret named Colin who spends most of his time nestled warmly between her...in her sweater. Colin the ferret contains the entire MI-6 database in his brain via a computer chip he accidentally ingested in a bowl of ferret kibbels while undercover in an Al Qaeda pet shop sting. Unknown to Basir and Mia, Colin the ferret is actually my time travelling cousin Leonard who went to the past and met a hard hearing Genie who gave him two wishes. First Leonard said he wanted to find his true love, well actually he said "I want to meet and get close to Mi Amore" then for his second wish he wanted to look like Colin Farrel. The genie, being hard of hearing did his best. Now Colin (Leonard) is jealous of the sparking relationship between Basir and Mia but is afraid to shift back to his true identity because Mia will almost definitely not let him stay between her...in her sweater.

The working title is:
Ferret Whisperer #1: A Warm Jiggly Place With A Gun

Opening line:
"Colin did not like wonder-bras."

...let the action packed historically romantic scifi spy stuff begin!

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Book Proposal: Spies, SciFi and Boobs a historical cross genre experiment

Ireland by Frank Delaney is a good example I think of crossing history/legend with modern literature.

Its about a strikingly handsome Israeli Mossad agent named Basir Sandesman who falls in love with a former Hooters girl turned American CIA operative named Mia Moray whose partner is what appears to be a talking ferret named Colin who spends most of his time nestled warmly between her...in her sweater. Colin the ferret contains the entire MI-6 database in his brain via a computer chip he accidentally ingested in a bowl of ferret kibbels while undercover in an Al Qaeda pet shop sting. Unknown to Basir and Mia, Colin the ferret is actually my time travelling cousin Leonard who went to the past and met a hard hearing Genie who gave him two wishes. First Leonard said he wanted to find his true love, well actuall he said "I want to meet and get close to Mi Amore" then for his second wish he wanted to look like Colin Farrel. The genie, being hard of hearing did his best. Now Colin (Leonard) is jealous of the sparking relationship between Basir and Mia but is afraid to shift back to his true identity because Mia will almost definitely not let him stay between her...in her sweater.

The working title is:
Ferret Whisperer #1: A Warm Jiggly Place With A Gun

Opening line:
"Colin did not like wonder-bras."

...let the action packed historically romantic scifi spy stuff begin!

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Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Happy St. Patricks Day

Some people at my office work tried to pinch me for not wearing green, I politely informed I am Irish & exempt then offered them linguistic proof.

“Pinch me again and I’ll dorn a bhualeadh ar dhuine.”

(don’t shoot me for my grammar)

In a similar vein, enjoy the below observation.

The first man married a woman from ENGLAND. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from GERMANY. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from IRELAND. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but, by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty peeing.

(Oh, and a fourth guy married a Korean girl & made the same demands as his Irish friend {before the failure}. On the first day, after getting out of the shower at the gym, he discovered that his wife had had sprinkled gochu-karu all inside the clean underpants in his gym bag. AIGU! MAEWAHAPO!!!!)

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